First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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