If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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