This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I enjoy the company of your penis
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
