those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
