I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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