That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
