I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
