We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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