I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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