it hurts more in the daytime
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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