Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
