Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Come share oat with me in your robe
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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