his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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