Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
