That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i will never coherently bang her
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
