i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
