what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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