Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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