all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
