Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
