epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
