she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize