I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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