A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
