if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
