Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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