Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Your cock deserves a montage
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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