Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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