i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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