btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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