Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
