my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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