Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
