Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's rum buckets o'clock
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
