I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
