census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
