So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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