Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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