I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
accomplished twins. life is a go
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
