My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
