omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
