I puked a lego.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We left the knife in your bed.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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