He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I came so hard my ears popped.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
