My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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