why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize