Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
