I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
