i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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