Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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