return my video game
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
