just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
