i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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