ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sext me about skeletons
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
