I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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