it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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