U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
