Rock
Scissors
Fuck
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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