I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize