I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I smell like Dick and happiness
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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