i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
