I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
