You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
