eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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