Its about making memories worth repressing
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
operation harelip BJ is a go
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize