How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize