I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize