Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
