she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
