I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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