Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
