Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
