wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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