I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Randomize
