He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
