Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
