I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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