It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize