Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
