I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
