walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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