Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
