Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
