god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
