Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize