I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
