so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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