the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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