OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
