I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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