Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
