Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
