don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize