Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
