I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
