My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
