My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
