im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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