apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
