Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
