Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
