i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
