Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
