So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
